I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
