just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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