It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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