isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
