I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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