the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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