I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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