Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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