Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
