saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
