i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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