you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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