I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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