No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
