everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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