I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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