ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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