In the future we'll all be gay
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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