wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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