I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
