he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Houston, we have a blender
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
