What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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