we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
