We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
