I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
