Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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