Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
