we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
