So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize