his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
