I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
