Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
