pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
