I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
