And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
