Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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