neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
