So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
