Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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