I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
