She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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