if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
