I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
