If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
