my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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