Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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