I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
