Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
