and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
