I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
