Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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