Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I understand Curling. That high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
