Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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