I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize