I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
