Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
