Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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