I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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