dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
