I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
